You didnt call

While I lay awake in the wee hours

I stared at my mobile phone

The whole day had gone by

And you still hadn't called.

It all started like this...

When the sun peeped in

through the windows in my room

And slowly I opened my eyes

I knew you would call and say

"What a lovely morning it is.."

But you didn't call.

While sitting in the loo thinking about you

I had my ears clinging to the wall

hoping to hear my phone ringing

The phone rang and i rushed out.

An old friend had called

But you didnt call.

I got ready and went downstairs

As I sat at the breakfast table

staring at the boiled eggs lying on the plate

I picked up my phone to see

if I had missed a call from you

But you didnt call.

I sat in my car and drove

finding my way through the busy traffic

I kept my phone on the seat next to mine

So that when you call,

I can instantly pick the phone up

But you didnt call.

I reached office and sat on my desk

A thought came to me

"Maybe you had left a mail"

So, very eagerly I connected to the internet

only to find that there wasn't any mail from you

You still didn't call.

With a frown on my face,

I worked through the files piled up in front of me

I was in no mood to work.

All I wanted was to hear your voice

But you didn't call.

And then finally the phone rang, but not my cell phone

It was my boss who called on the intercom

And asked me to come to his cabin

I could figure out that it would be bad

I knew that your voice would relax my muscles

But you didn't call.

My boss scolded me left, right and centre

He slammed his fist on the table and threw the file at me

I couldn't hear anything

I just stared at his moving hands and jaws

Something must be wrong and I didnt understand

Why you hadn't called.

Back at my desk, I again looked at my phone

No, there weren't any missed calls

I saw my collegues eating lunch

One of them waved and gestured me to come

I ignored and sat down.

I was still clueless as to

Why you didn't call.

Silently I took out my lunch

And I began to eat

The food was extremely tasteless

It seemed as if the spices had been removed
And then I knew why the food tasted so blank

Because you hadn't called.

I was in no mood to work but I had no choice

I think I knew what to do

I would engross myself in work so that I don't get time to miss you

Yes, thats what I am going to do

So, I looked at my phone one last time in case you had called

But you didn't call.

I looked at the watch as the clock struck six.

4 hours I had burried myself in the files

My whole body ached for your touch

I badly wanted to go back home and rest my head on your shoulders

But how could I meet you, when

You hadn't even called.

Half-heartedly I got up and walked towards my car

Maybe you had no idea how I felt when you call.

Maybe you didnt know that my arteries didn't carry oxygenated blood

Instead, they carry your love that is filled in my heart

Absurd it may seem, but its true

I wanted to rejuvinate my body

But you still had not called.

I drove back in silence,

I even switched off the radio

Which was mere noise without you

I found traffic on my way back

But there were bigger things to frustrate me, for instance,

You didnt call.

As I stepped into my two bed room apartment

I could smell your presence

Or is it that the air was playing Hide-n-Seek with me

Or should i say Smell-n-Seek

But whatever It was, I knew

That you didn't call.

The day didn't pass the way I had expected

Infact, it was nowhere near it

My day went by without talking to you

I thought that we would talk every few hours,

But Alas, you didnt call.

As the darkness grew dense

And the night hypnotised everybody to sleep

I cried,

I cried because I was helpless

I cried simply because you didn't call.

Without food, without water

I poured myself onto the pillow

I cried myself to sleep

But somewhere deep inside I knew

that someday you would call

just like the way you used to

Or else

Next morning I will wake up

I will assume that you would call and say

"What a lovely morning it is.."

And then I would stare at my phone

expecting that you would call

But the words that will come out of my mouth will be

"You didn't call."

Road To Canberra OR Road To Love

[Read Part 1 (The envelope) before reading this]

She took out the packet of Winfield Blue cigarette from under her bed. As her long arms reached out for the lighter lying on the bedside table, she thought about Sahil. Then she lit the cigarette and took a small puff. As her lungs got filled with air, Meerha looked at Sahil who was sleeping peacefully beside her. All types of questions created havoc in her mind. Do I really love him? Did I really come all the way to Australia especially for him? "Mmm.. I guess so. But I am not sure" she thought. And then she felt guilt that how she could have thought such a thing. Of course she loved him. "If this was true then why am I being doubtful of my own intentions", she questioned herself. Yes, she loved him.

Meerha again looked at her beloved. She took a huge drag of the cigarette and inhaled the air so heavily that it stirred almost every nerve in her body. She found herself relaxing. Yes, she loved him. Otherwise she wouldn’t have been sleeping with him all the while. If 3 years is not a long duration, then it is not short either. She knew that her body responded to his touch. His eyes still aroused her. She felt an empty space when he was not around. She woke every morning only to hear his voice again. Merely thinking about him made her want more. There was love between them. She wanted to bear his children. She wanted to be by his side when they grew old. She wanted to love him as much as she could. No, maybe even more. They would make a happy family. Thinking thus, she extinguished the remaining one and a half inch cigarette in the ashtray and crawled into bed beside him. She wrapped her arms around him and stared at his sleeping body. Yes she really did love him. Without a doubt..!!

*******

Meerha tried to open her eyes. But she quickly batted the eyelids and shut them when the sunlight poured into her room through the half opened window. Aarrghh...She hates it when Sahil pulls back the cream shaded nylon curtains and leaves the window open in the morning. Angrily, She got off the bed, got into her baby pink sheepskin slippers and wrapped the matching morning gown over her slim body. She could hear some noise coming from the kitchen. She descended the stairs and upon reaching the kitchen door, she leaned her entire body towards the wall, as if her body weight was now supported by the wall itself. She watched him work meticulously. Meerha couldn’t help but laugh when he tripped over the chair and almost dropped the glass full of milk. Sahil, who was unaware of her presence, heard her laughing and sheepishly let out a small laugh himself.

“How is my baby doing today”, he said while putting the glass carefully on the tiled slab and started walking towards her. He hugged her with all his strength.


“Hey, control honey. I can’t breathe”, she said.


“Hahaha. You gotta gain some weight”. Sahil looked at her from head to toe and then said “Come, Lemme cook something good for you.”


“No thanks. Please don’t mess with my kitchen”, Meerha said sternly.


Sahil opened his mouth wide open in shock. “Whaat..?? You gotta be kidding. Meerha, You have no clue how good I am at handling kitchen. I am a good cook”, he said boastingly”. He turned his back towards her and started marching towards the gas stove. “Trust me baby. I am the just too good”, he said laughingly “You know what, when I was in college, all the girls used to say that I would make a good husband. I was called the Lady’s Man, saying this he looked at Meerha who raised her eyebrows and gave him a look that clearly indicated that she wasn’t interested to know what other girls thought about him. And all the while Sahil spoke, Meerha pondered over the million dollar question to which she had no answer. “Why do guys think that they are good with the kitchen? It is a nuisance to have them around". When she was a kid, she herself wanted to get married to a guy who would help her in the kitchen, who would help her pick up stuff from the market, who would help her clean the house. She wanted a man who would help her in all the house chores. But that was when she was a kid. Full stop. That was a dream. Now she found it to be stupid. She would rather get married to a guy who would not interfere with the household work. Now there was a different dream in her eyes. The rooms, the kitchen, the dining hall, the lobby, the balcony, the bathroom and every part of the house would be how she would like it to be. And definitely not according to others. She pictured her dream house and smiled. "Whoa, It's gonna be my house", she thought.

*******

"You will love this, said Sahil and planted a small kiss on her cheeks. She smiled and kissed him back. She had to agree with him. This was the first time they were travelling out of Sydney since she got admission in the University of Sydney. The two months that she had spent in Sydney were way too hectic. With loads of assignments, case studies and presentations on her mind, she could hardly find time to see around the city. But going to Canberra was the last thing on her mind. She was glad that Sahil planned it out. So much for a surprise. Meerha nearly jumped out of her seat with excitement. She turned to sahil and said, "Baby, I love you so much" and opened her arms wide for Sahil to get engulfed in. "I love you too", he said and hugged her back. He pulled her close so that their bodies touched. He bent his head towards her and licked her lips with his tongue. And before she could respond, his lips met hers and with intense passion and involvement and they both took shelter under each others sincere love.

*******

"Sahil, hum jaa to rahe hain, but whats the plan like?", she said when they had finally boarded the plane to Canberra. "Have you thought what we are going to do there or will it come as a surprise as well. You haven't planned anything as yet, have you?


"Hold on, Sugar." He kissed her again and said, "I have planned everything." He looked into her eyes and very slowly he brought his upper eye lids in contact with his lower eyelids motioning that there is nothing to be worried about specially when he was there. "Main hoon na", he said jokingly. "Listen, we will hire a car when we reach Canberra."


Meerha started to say something but he stopped her. "Dont worry honey, I have already made the payment. So dont try to change my mind. Its gonna be just you and me and..."


She stopped him and said, "Please Sahil, dont waste money like this. We could have taken a bus"


Sahil ignored her and started telling her about the place they would go to. "The car is going to pick us up from the airport. I have hired a guy who would guide us through the roads and on reaching Mt Ainslie, we will dump him somewhere. Sahil gave a mischievous look. She could see the glow in his eyes. She knew that he must have promised to pay extra bucks to that tourist guide to leave them all alone. She couldnt help but smile too. He started again, "From Mt Ainslie we will drive through Mt. Pleasant, Black Mountain and the Red Hill. 3 hours we will be together", he said. "All alone"


Meerha was too excited to say anything. She could hear Sahil tell her the entire plan, but she was not listening. She couldnt concentrate. It was just that she couldn't wait to reach Canberra and drive through the serene mountains. She imagined herself with Sahil making love on the lush green grass in the middle of the huge mountains with nobody to disturb them. Nobody...!!


(To be continued...)

The Envelope..

Meerha barged into her brother's room and ignored his continuous reminders to knock the door before entering. "Hey what do you think you are doing. Aren't you supposed to knock" he said and hastily opened the top drawer of his study table to put something in. 


"Guess what..!! I am finally going there". Meerha's eyes danced with joy when she said this. 


"Whaaaattt...", Mrigank got up from his seat and hugged her tight. "Are you serious..!!"

"Oh my god!. I can't believe this is happening to me.I am finally going to Australia" she said and instantaneously she was lost in her dream. She imagined herself in Sydney standing on the Harbour Bridge watching the sun vanish into the horizon. She saw herself lying on Bondi beach getting a tan. The spectacular view of the Blue mountain would take her breath away and she would never want to come back.


"Have you told mom?", Mrigank said breaking the silence that was created and bringing her back in the present. She realised that neither of them had uttered a word for two minutes while her mind was taking a tour of Australia. 


"I have no idea how am I going to do that."


"Hmmm" he said and then there was again silence.


"You ought to help me Mrigank. You know what this means to me."


Hearing Meerha call him 'Mrigank', gave him a fair idea how serious she was. She would never call him anything but Mrigu. He knew that her sister would not let this go so easily. He had to do something.

*******

Everyone was eating silently. They could not imagine that Meerha would do such a thing. Her mom was so furious that she left the dinner on the dining table in the middle of the talk  Mrigank could see the anger in her eyes. Or maybe it was sorrow. No anger. Sorrow. Anger. Whatever it was, it definitely did bother her. Meerha just looked at her dad expecting that he would say something, expecting that he would console her like the way he did when she was a kid. She just wanted  somebody to hug her. The silence was killing her. 


"Dad, please say something" she tried to look into her father's eyes who turned away at her glance. 


"Meerha, It was least expected from you." her dad said and neatly placed the spoon on the empty plate in front of him. He rose from his chair and started to go. "I cannot do anything", he added.

*******

After his sister left from his room, Mrigank sat on the corner of his bed and thought about what he would tell his mom. He remembered the day when Meerha made him promise that he would not utter a word about this to anyone. He tried to convince her that what she was doing was wrong. She couldn't just pack her bags and go after her boyfriend of 2 years who was now in Australia. Mom would never agree. And he also knew that she was looking for a match for Meerha who had absolutely no clue about their mom's intention. But now it was going out of his hands. He had to tell her. He didnt want Meerha to go. She couldn't. He would not let her. 

He came out of his room and walked towards Meerha who was standing in passage near the stairs. The sight of Meerha looking so cheerful stopped him from going any further. He loved his sister. He wanted her to be happy. He reluctantly shoved away the thought and startede walking towards her.

"Listen Meerha, he said, "What you are doing is really wrong. I am going to tell mom"

"You are kidding, right?" she gave him a questioning look.

"No, I am serious. I am very serious. I can't let you do this. Sahil is a nice guy but that does not mean that you would leave your family and go live with him when you know that even he has not established himself there. How will you survive."  He looked at her sulking face and tried to explain, "Meerha, its just been 10 months since he started working there. You are really out of your mind. Or maybe I am an idiot that I didn't stop you in the very beginning"

"Mrigu, I need to tell you something but please don't mention anything to mom or dad. Plea..." she stopped in between when she heard her mom call out from the kitchen.

"Mrigank, Meerha. Come down. Dinner is ready"

Both of them descended from the stairs when they heard her voice. Meerha nudged him with an elbow and gave him a pleading look asking him not to tell anything to anybody. He ignored.

The moment they all sat on the dining table, Mrigank began, "Mom Dad, ummm, Meerha is going to Australia." 

Both the parents looked at each other, then at Mrigank and finally at Meerha. "What do you mean she is going? Don't trouble you sister. You have grown up now and stop pulling her leg", she said laughingly and expected her daughter to shout at her brother for teasing her like they always did when they were kids. When neither of them said anything, she figured that something was wrong. She looked at her husband who seemed puzzled himself.

"I demand to know everything", their mom said.

After a mnute of silence, she said "Mom, I am going to australia in 2 weeks time. I am sorry for hiding this all the while but I couldnt ...."

"Stop. I dont want to hear anything. I will not take any excuses" She looked at her husband yet again expecting him to say something this time atleast but he seemed least bothered. She ignored him and looked at Meerha. "If you have decided that you want to go and you didn't even bother to take our permission then we wont stop you. You are free to go and nobody would stop you. Nobody.." Saying this she roughly pushed her chair back and left without saying anything.

*******

"Why was everyone behaving like this. This is not how I wanted the things to be like. No. This is not done.", she said to herself  when she was all alone in her room. "I am not going to talk to anybody now. I will not tell them anything. My mom, my dad and even my bro does not understand me. They didn't even give me an opportunity to explain." She decided that she would not talk to anybody and would leave in two weeks. "They will miss me when I am gone. They surely will.."

*******

Two weeks passed and it was time for Meerha to go. The days in between were miserable for everybody at home. The house was always filled with silence. She needed her parent's help but she did not approach them. Nor did they. Her ego was big enough for everybody. She knew she was right. She wasn't going there for Sahil. Not 'just' Sahil atleast. But how could she tell anybody. Mrigank too had not given her a chance to tell him why she was going. She wanted to tell him but he acted too brotherly. 

She was about to leave. She wanted to hug her mom before going but maybe her mom was too angry at her that she went to sleep when it was time for her daughter to leave. She searched the house for her dad and found him sitting in his favourite room in the house, the library. She gave him a quick hug. A tear ran down her cheek. She promised herself that she wouldn't get weak. It was time to be strong. It was time to go ahead.

"Bye dad. Please take care of mom. And dont worry about me. I'll be fine." She could sense more tears bursting out of her eyes and before they could come out she started walking away. She heard her dad telling her to take good care of herself but she didn't want to turn back. Meerha went straight to her mom's room where she was sleeping  and planted a small kiss on her cheek. She took out an envelope from her handbag and kept it on the table beside her mother. Everything would be okay when her mom would see this. She was positive about it. She looked at her mom one last time and ran out of the room, grabbed her 2 suitcases and rushed out of the house. She wanted to meet her darling Mrigu but even he had ignored her. She went and sat in the cab that she had called to take her to the airport. Her mind went back to envelope that she had left in her mom's room. She let out a small laugh and couldn't help but wonder what her mother's reaction would be when she saw the copy of full scholarship which the University of Sydney had offered her for an MBA...

The date...

Sitting in her room, she gazed at her image in the mirror. She smiled at her self and wondered what feature in her attracts Shekhar the most. She smiled again and made a note to ask Shekhar about this tonight and let him answer.

Tonight was a big night. Shekhar was taking her out for dinner and somewhere deep inside she was sure that he would propose her. She wanted to look the best tonight. She opened her almirah and ran her slim fingers through all the pairs of clothes that hung in front of her.

"Naah", Anushka exclaimed. She had to look special tonight. "I should rush to the market and go get something exclusive to wear", she thought.

She glanced at the White and Gold coloured clock which Shekhar had gifted her on their 1st anniversary of togetherness. Anushka was amazed at how time flies. She wondered how 7 years had gone by. She couldnt help but smile when she remembered how Shekhar used to trouble her when they used to sit together in Class 10th. They never got along well and Anushka always used to curse her teachers for making the so called 'rascal' sit next to her. Little did she know that she would fall in love with the guy whom she hated the most.

"Our story is like a typical Bollywood movie", she said loudly and then bit her tongue realising that she was too loud. After 7 years of knowing each other, they would be getting married soon. She jumped with excitement. She again looked at the White and Gold clock which struck 4. Shekhar would pick her up at 8:30. So there was still a lot of time left and she had loads of work to do.

She picked up the phone and dialled his number. Shekhar's manly voice greeted her.

"Hi baby, I was just thinking about you", said Shekhar.

"Shekhar, Are you still in the office?"

"Yeah, but if you want then I'll come right over". Shekhar let out a funny laugh.

"No sweetheart", said Anushka. "You stay in the office and complete your work. I was thinking that i'll go to the market and buy something to wear tonight."

"Again..?? How many clothes do you girls buy? Oh man, your almirah is too full"

"Oh please, you wont understand"

"Hmmph...I agree, we men can never understand you girls"

"Chalo then, I better go now. Mummy will kill me if I tell her that I am going shopping. I have to think of a bahana as well."

"HaHaHaHa, you wont change. Ok sweety, you go ahead. Will pick you up around 8-8:30"

"Bye honey. And listen.." Anushka was silent and then she said after a pause, "I love you"

"Love you too, Bye"

Anushka smiled. What a relief she gets after hearing Shekhar's voice. She felt that she was again charged and she could go on for forever. She picked up her purse, ran a comb through her hair, applied a smack of lip gloss, grabbed her car keys and rushed out of the door so that she could escape her mom's eagle eyes. She ran in the driveway and unlocked her 2 year old rust coloured Honda City. She looked at her watch again. It was 4:45. She had to hurry up.

She drove till Greater Kailash 1 M block market and her eyes looked for a parking spot. She found one near Cafe Coffee Day. She neatly parked her car and sheepishly smiled and thanked her father for teaching her how to park cars nicely. "Girls can't drive", Shekhar used to say when they were in school. Anushka proved him wrong and still Shekhar was proud of her.

She locked her car and looked through the lanes of the market. Clueless, where to start from, she entered the first shop she saw. After a series of trying the clothes on, making a sulking face, disapproval followed by extreme confusion she came out of the store and wished that she had gone to south-ex instead. There was nothing exclusive that she could find. But then she was short of time. Anushka quickly calculated in her mind how much time she had. "Shekhar will pick me up at 8, so I need to reach home by 7. For that I need to leave from here by 6:45." She looked at her watch and thought "So, I have a total of approx 70 mins left."

She decided that she would enter a max of two shops and get done with it. She quickly ran the names of all the stores she knew and picked 2 names from the lot. She entered into United Colours of Benetton, tried a few dresses and then came out. One last store to go to and she had to pick up the dress positively. While she was entering Esprit, a red and maroon knee length dress worn by the mannaquin caught her attention. She liked it instantly and asked one of the salesmen to show her size in that dress. It fitted so well on her and she looked dazzling. "Shekhar would love it", she said to herself. She asked the sales guy to pack it up for her. She paid and left.

Anushka was all smiles. It was a nice day. She loved every moment of it. Everything was just going perfect. While, walking towards the car she started humming the song "lets make a night to remember" by Bryan Adams. And suddenly she heard an extemely loud noise. She saw people running here and there. There were about 50 people inside the levis store that she was crossing. All of them rushed out and left no room for her to move. There was a total chaos and Anushka realised that there was something really wrong. She stood there trying to figure out what to do and then there was another bang. The next thing that Anushka noticed was that she was thrown several feets up in the air and she landed on the ground with a large thud.

Anushka lay there unable to move. She couldn't see clearly.

She wanted to call Shekhar but her muscles hurt her. She couldn't move. She just lay there thinking. "You look amazing honey, I wish I could hold you tight in my arms", Shekhar would have said. Then she would give him a heart melting smile. They would leave for the restaurant in Shekhar's car and she would rest her head on his shoulders while he drove the car. Shekhar had told her that he had booked a table on the roof top where they would be all alone. And suddenly while they are eating Shekhar would bend down on his knees and take her hand in his hands and say, "Baby, I want to live with you, I want to have kids with you, I want to spend my life with you. Honey, Please marry me" and she would close her eyes and nod. She would open her eyes to find herself in Shekhar's arms but all she could see were people lying on the floor covered with blood...

_________________________________________________________________

The serial blasts in Delhi on 13th September 2008 took us all by surprise. The first blast took place at gaffar market in karol bagh, the next two exposions were in connaught place at Central park and Barakhamba Road. And the last two blasts were in GK 1 M block market. It is a really sad sight. The story written above is fictitious but my heart bleeds when I think that something of this sort may have happened to somebody. If only we could do something...

The Betrayal...

When I met you for the first time,
I knew that you are the one,
When you looked at me,
I knew that the gaze was one of a kind,
When you came to talk to me,
I knew that I would be enveloped in this voice forever.
Little did I know that you would be gone sooner than I expected.

Gone are the days when your presence took the better of me,
Gone are the days when your voice filled my lungs with oxygen,
Gone are the days when your touch iginited that spark in me,
Gone are the days when my eyes got filled with tears when they looked at you,
Gone are the days when I wanted to live every moment of my life, not once but twice,
The only thing thats left is the ocean in my eyes,
hungry for that presence, that touch, that voice, that care, that love.

Every night I stay awake, thinking..
about the time that we spent together,
about the time thats lost
about the time that I had my control on,
about the time that I could have stopped
And all that I can understand
is that I was the one who let you go.

My love, what went wrong..??
There is something that brought the unsaid distance between us,
That girl, whom you met a while ago
pleased you much more,
Have you forgotten about the relationship
that we once shared
She came into your life
and took you away from me.
I know that she has gone,
And so has the trust which I was so proud of.

Today, when you said
that I still have you forever
and I have nothing to fear
I just keep quiet
and wrap my arms around you,
I look into your eyes and look for an answer
I dont see a thing
and I cannot explain
what you made me feel before she came.

I know you are with me
But alas, you have gone far away
farther than I ever imagined
I dont see that love in your eyes anymore
I dont feel that spark in your touch anymore
Your voice does not enlighten me anymore
Every morning I wake up
and hope that you would love me today for sure
But, all I can do is love you
without expecting to be loved for more