Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Hard feelings

Abhishek 22nd Dec 2008, 1354 hours
Sitting silently on the sofa, he tried to put in the missing pieces. Perhaps it was all a joke. Actually, he hoped that it was a joke. Perhaps he didnt mean to say that. He himself didn't know what he wanted. "Maybe I should apologize", he thought.  "Or maybe I shouldnt." He was confused.

Sneha 22nd Dec 2008, 1402 hours
She sat on her bed with her arms wrapped around her legs which she pressed tightly against her chest. She wanted to cry. Did he really mean that. She didnt understand. He had never said that to her. Was he angry with her or was is just a joke, she wasn't sure. If he had said that in anger, then she had to find out what had made him lose his temper. And if it was a joke then why did he have to joke about something that would make her cry. She had no answer. Confused, she buried herself into her bed and wept.

Abhishek 23rd Dec 2008, 0120 hours
He could see her online. There was a red dot against her name on his chat list indicating that she was busy. He read her status message for the hundredth time in the last 10 mins. "Frustrated with my life", it screamed at him. He knew that she had written it there for him to read. He felt a strong urge to talk to her. The cursor of his laptop hovered over her name but his ego battled against his wishes. He told her to go out of his life though he didnt want that to happen. He loved her. He really did. And now he was surprised what had made him say that to her. He wanted her back. He wanted to talk to her. He wanted to tell her that he still loved her. And that he wanted to meet her. To hold her. To kiss her. But his ego stopped him then and there. No. Perhaps he would just carry on the little game for he had heard that 'Distance makes the hearts grown fonder'.

Sneha 23rd Dec 2008, 0111 hours
She could see him online. She repeated his name in her mind. Again. And again. And yet again. She continued to do so because she couldnt get him out if his mind. And thats the reason why she was online so late at night. This was so unlike her. But she wanted to talk to him. She wanted to send him a chat message. But then she stopped. Hadn't he read her status message, "Frusrated with my life". "Is he ignoring me?", she thought to herself. "He sure must have read my status. Isn't he concerned? Doesn't it bother him to see me frustrated. She stared at his name. Minutes passed. She continued staring. And when she couldnt control, she typed "Hi" on the chat window. She waited for half an hour, but he didnt reply. Nothing came from his side. She was missing him. She wanted him to write something. Anything. She wouldn't have minded if he had scolded her. But she just wished that he would write something.

Abhishek 23rd Dec 2008, 0130 hours
He beamed with joy. Yes, she was missing him. He was sure about it. Thats exactly what he wanted. He missed her too. But it was too early. He wanted to see her come running towards him. Her simple "Hi" chat message had made him happy. But he decided that he wouldnt reply. Not now. Not for the next few days. He kept waiting. He just wanted to show her that he isn't replying. He kept sitting idle just to make her feel that he is angry. But inside, he was happy.

Sneha 27th Dec 2008, 1645 hours
It had been 6 days since they had last talked to each other. The only thing that she wanted was to hear his voice. And at this hour it was next to impossible. It was her last lecture for the day. Another 15 mins and she would be free to go. She wondered what Abhishek must be doing. Since it was a Saturday, it must be an off day for him. He must be with his friends playing tennis. She quickly did some calculation in his mind. Perfect. If she rushed after her lecture, she could catch him just in time. And then they would talk. This time she grew excited. She looked forward to the evening. "Abhshek would be surprised to see me". she gigled. Finally she would see him. She wasnt sure whether he would talk to her or not but atleast they would meet. She wanted to ask a lot of questions but those questions could wait. She just wanted to see him.

Abhishek 27th Dec 2008, 1735 hours
He stopped to catch his breath. Panting hard, he was remided of the day they had jogged together till their skin turned red with heat. And he remembered when they had had wild sex in the bushes of the small park behind her house in that sultry weather. He remembered the day they made chappatis together which looked like the maps of countries yet to be discovered. He remembered a lot many things and all of them  made him realise how much he loved her. He knew she loved him too. Instantly, he decided that he would reply to her chat mesaage today. Not a day passed when she didnt call him or send him a message on chat. But he kept on ignoring her. He just wanted it to be this way. Okay, decided. He would pick up the phone next time she called. He would talk rudely but would finally give in. And then they would talk non stop about all the things that had happened in the last few days. How much he wanted to talk to her. He wanted to hear her voice. He wanted her to say, "Abhi, I love you honey." And then she would blow a kiss in her own sexy way. Suddenly his phone rang. And it was her. He jumped with joy but since he wanted to sound serious, he said rudely, "Hello, What is it?"..

Sneha 27th Dec 2008, 1710 hours
She couldn't meet him. She wasn't sure. There was a fear in her mind. What if..?? What if, he didnt talk to her. What if, he turned his back towards her. What if, he shouted at her. What if, he threw her out of his home. What if, he had some other plans. What if, he has found someone else. The last one was hard to believe but it was still a possibility since he had been acting weird. It was so unlike him to ignore her. He loved her. He never did that to her. And now with so many 'what ifs', she didnt have the courage to face him. She didnt know what to do. Silently, she turned the steering wheel in the opposite direction. Her eyes filled with tears. She closed her eys for a split second and let the tears flow. She opened her eyes and turned left towards her home. She kept driving, her eyes totally moist and her vision blurred. She was so blinded by her tears that she did not notice the truck carrying the sharp edged steel wire ropes in front of her. By the time she saw the truck, it was too late. She had already banged into the truck and the steel ropes pierced into her ribs and tore her apart.

Crowd gathered around her. Someone took hold of her phone and dialed the first number in her list.
Abhishek - Hello. What is it?
Mr X - Hello
Abhishek - (hearing a male voice) Who are you. Where is Sneha?
Mr. X - Sir, I am sorry to tell you this but the girl is dead.

And he told him what had happened.


You know what, 3 days back, I decided something. Life is short. And unpredictable too. You will never come to know what might happen. The most sensible thing to do is to avoid fights. Small fights which may turn big. You never know. So, I decided that I will live my life happily with all those around me and all those who really matter to me.

Sometimes, you may be in situation when you want to say something to someone but the circumstances may not take your side. Uncertainity may arise and you may find yourself tongue tied. It is better to avoid such a situation. I have come to realise that it is not 'just my' life. I share my life with a lot of people around me. And I have no right to play with the lives of the people who share their lives with me. So, henceforth, I will live a simple life. And this 31st day of March 2010, I have decided to leave behind all the animosity I ever carried inside me. I will not carry any hard feelings for anyone in the new financial year. It doesn't matter if it is the beginning of a financial year. But it is still a new year.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010


The wind was calm
but the breeze was cool.
I felt cold
but I was warm inside
For, today had been just my day.
A gush of wind went by
and it made my untidy hair
fall loosely on my face.
It was then I heard 
some footsteps behind me.
Clutching my shawl,
I wrapped it around
to keep my shoulders warm. 
I looked back.
All I could hear was the wind blowing.
This time it pushed my hair
back from my face
making my vision clear.
Nope, I could see no one. 
Forgetting everything,
I moved on. 
But the sound of the footsteps
followed my everywhere.
Scared, I rushed home.
And buried myself under the pillow.
That night I had a dream.
I heard those footsteps again.
I heard a voice too.
Warm, gentle and full of love 
It made me feel like a child.
I felt somebody's hand
resting on my forehead
And the voice said to me, 
"I was the one who was following you.
And I always will
Because I am the God
And you are my child."
Today, was indeed my day.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Is it really the end..??

She opened the lock of her studio apartment. She took one step inside and stood there, thinking. Right in front of her was an apartment which she had turned into her home, away from all the people she ever knew. She had spent hell lot of green bucks on this house that was built in mere 20 days. She didn't earn much to be able to afford an entire appartment to herself. But this one, showed how much effort she had actually put in. And today, standing at the entrance of her small world, she felt miserable.

Buring with rage, she slammed the door shut behind her.

She wanted to tear the upholstery and pull down the curtains. The vases, the Lladro pieces, the Swaroski crystal items, all these that costed her a fortune, she wanted to smash each one of them. The shattering noise that they would produce, perhaps will be able to ease her pain. Her hands itched to grasp the wooden chairs and hit them on the ground so as to break them into pieces as they do in the action movies.

Such was her anger that she could have destroyed her own appartment.

Helpless, she walked into the balcony. She pushed the thought of jumping and ending her life because she knew that nothing would happen to her if she fell from the second floor. If it hadn't  been for the lousy and money mided owner, she would have surely bought that apartment on the 10th floor. She regretted her decision now. A suicide could have been easier.

She sighed.

And it was then she spotted him.

He saw her too. He smiled.

His smile and the glee in his eyes did wonders to her.

She smiled back.

She didnt know his age, but he didnt look too old. It was then she realised how much she loved him. He always made her forget the emptiness she carried with herself. Its been six months since she first saw him. In his balcony. With his mother. And today, he stood right there. This time, without his mother. He looked at her. And then he pointed his index finger towards the sky. She looked up.

She sighed again. But this time it was a sigh of relief. A sigh which made herself gear up and swiftly forget the grey areas of her past.

Silently, she thanked the 3 year old kid who made her smile. Or perhaps he was just 2.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

A new day

Sitting by the window,
I stared, with my mouth ajar,
At the sky so dark
and the night so calm.
I looked down at the sleeping souls,
Perhaps dreaming about the love of their life
With their eyes shut tight
But minds on fire.
Tomorrow will be yet another day,
Like it was yesterday,
Special for some,
But devastating for others
Ofcourse, the irony here is
Like every other day
It too shall passé
                                - Chanz

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Those wet somethings

You feel the drops of joy
falling from the corners of your eyes
when you look at your old photos,
the memories spent with you friends
and your loved ones.

You see the drops of joy
falling from the corners of the eyes
of a mother lying on the hospital bed
when she takes her baby
in her arms for the first time.


You feel the drops of joy
falling from the corner of your eyes
when, at the most stupid joke,
you laugh uncontrollably
and roar till your jaws hurt.


You see the drops of joy
falling from the corner of the eyes
of that son who
has just won that swimming competition
he had been so eagerly waiting for.


You feel the drops of joy
falling from the corners of your eyes
When someone very close to you
has survived a fatal accident
when you were sure that they would die.


You feel the drops of joy
falling from the corner of the eyes
of that girl, who was just got to hear
the magical words, "Will you marry me"
from the guy whom she always loved.

You feel the drops of joy
falling from the corner of your eyes
when you hear your name being called out
among the list of those fortunate winners
and u look up in the sky and thank god with arms wipe open.

There are times
when you feel the drops of joy
falling from the corners of your eyes
and you find yourself tongue tied
'coz nothing else matters to you at that time
and you wish that moment would carry on forever

Friday, March 5, 2010

Time Travel

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 8; the eighth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Very soon she entered into a state of trance.

"What do you see?"

"I see myself standing in the queue. My feet burning in that heat." She stopped. She looked tired.

"I am fully drenched. My saree is soaked in water and it is weighing me down", she said.

"What kind of a queue is that?"

"I am waiting to fill the two pots with water. I have to hurry. My children must be hungry. He will not give them food. I have to go. But I cant go without the water. And there is a long queue. I feel dizzy. No, I cant feel weak. I have to be strong. For my children. I must wait for my turn."

She spoke hurriedly but her sentences were short. She looked uneasy. Her last 3-4 sentences came almost like a whisper.

"Tell me more. What will you do when you go home? Who all are there at your home?"

"Sulekha and Ram, my two children. And he will also be there. Sitting in the room, drinking. I must hurry. Or else he will beat me up. He will beat the children too."

"Why does he beat you?"

"Because I dont give him the money." She looked worried. And then she started talking again, "If I do, then he will drink more. There will be no food for us then. My children will go hungry."

"Why don't you leave him then?"

"No, I cannot do that. I have no one in this world. I will not have a place to live. Where will my children live."

"How old are you? How old are your children?"

"I am 17. Sulekha is 5 and Ram is 3."

She was again silent. I asked her to go ahead and progress in that lifetime.

"My husband died. We are going to burn his body. My children dont want that. They want to throw his body in that big field outside our village. The birds will eat him. But I cant tell them that the villagers will not let that happen."

"What will happen after that?, I aksed her.

She was silent. I could see tears coming from the corner of her eyes.

I grew worried. I wanted to take her out of this trance but I was still curious what will happen to her. I had to know. She was my patient. And I had hypnotised her at my own risk. I had no clue as to which lifetime had she traversed into. I quitely waited for her to speak. But she did not. She was sobbing. I didnt know what to do. She had agreed to be hypnotised. But none of knew that she would go back in time to one of the lifetimes that she had already lived.

I decided to take her out of this state but then suddenly she spoke, "I don't know what will happen to my children. I am scared."

"Why are you scared? You will go back to them after the funeral."

"No, I will not. I will be burnt with his dead body."

"But why?"

"Sati," she said meekly.

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